My Thoughts on Marriage and Ben Affleck's Speech

Forty million people and I tuned in to watch the Oscars on Sunday night. I love musicals, black tie and Christopher Plummer, so in my eyes the night was a win. What I didn’t expect to feel at the end of the awards ceremony, was sorry for Jennifer Garner. She looked beautiful (loved the color of her dress) and her husband won best picture. She should be on the top of the world. And maybe she was, but if I were her I would have felt a bit like a burden. Not simply because Ben Affleck decided to announce to the world that marriages take work (duh, didn’t we all know that?), the first thing that came to mind when he thought of his wife (besides the country of Iran, which thankfully he doesn't typically associate with the Mother of his children) was ten Christmases of work. He semi- saved the comment by saying there’s no one he would “rather work with.” I did not think his acceptance speech was the appropriate time to make that point and I found it disrespectful to his wife. 

I am not claiming to be a marriage expert by any means. Even with my very impressive seven months of experience. However I would like to ask Ben Affleck what doesn’t take work? Relationships take work. Dealing with family takes work. Going to the office every day and attempting to build a career takes work. Life takes hard work. Perhaps acting and producing come so naturally to Ben that it doesn’t feel like work, and monogamy does. I really don’t know.

What I do know, is that I’m tired of everyone complaining about marriage. Whining about the “ball and chain.” Talking about how difficult it is and everything they have had to give up. People have asked if we are “out of the honeymoon stage yet” or have warned that the “first year is the hardest.”

All I know is that marriage is a choice. We entered in to marriage freely and without reservation and chose to give our entire selves over to each other forever. I think of marriage as a never ending partnership and promise to spend the rest of your life with your best friend. In my eyes marriage is the best thing I have ever done and the best gift I ever received. I am so grateful Sean picked me to marry.

I remember being in previous relationships where everything was a struggle. I told myself “relationships take work” so I stayed, and we fought and cried and threw cell phones across dorm rooms. Slammed doors and secrets are not the kind of “work” you should be doing. When I met Sean everything felt so easy. There was an instant connection, we could not stop talking. We met at a friend’s birthday party in a crowded bar. There were hundreds of people there. I chatted with people and danced around before we were introduced. I was aware of my surroundings and enjoyed going up to different groups, saying hi to friends and coworkers. After we were introduced I don’t think I spoke to another individual the rest of the night.  I certainly don’t remember seeing anyone else. Five years later there are still nights when we have to force ourselves to stop talking so we can get some sleep. We “understand” each other in a way I’ve never felt before.  There are times he annoys the living daylights out of me. There are moments when he grosses me out. There are days where we are not on the same page, and I retreat in to the bedroom and want him to come running after me, and instead he becomes quiet and distant on the couch. It is not perfect, it’s life. The good outweighs the bad beyond measure.  It’s worth fighting for- however the majority of the time, to me, it’s a pleasure.

I feel grateful every day to be able to come home from a job (that really does take “work”) and get in to my cozies and curl up on the couch with my husband. I still get excited to see his name pop up on my phone and hear the sound of his voice. We’ve lived together for four years and yet the moment he or I walk through the door in to our little save haven of home and are reunited from the outside world, is the best part of my day. I look forward to the weekend knowing that I will have more time to spend with my best friend. I’m sure celebrities have more distractions, are faced with more temptation. Things aren’t always easy, and I accept that the majority of the struggles are situational. I am 100% certain that in our case, our  first year of marriage will not be the hardest. There will most likely be harder times ahead. I will look back on this post and think I was naïve and remember how simple things were. Undoubtedly, we have been blessed this year beyond measure.

I had a point when I started writing this, and it most likely got lost somewhere. I’m not trying to say that we are perfect or brag about how lucky I am or say that marriage is supposed to be easy all the time. However, I don’t think it’s supposed to be hard all the time. 

I do think there should be parts that come naturally, are easy and effortless.

On Sunday night, I didn’t expect to turn off my tv feeling sorry for Jennifer Garner. I don’t personally know Ms. Garner but she seems like she has a good head on her shoulders and deserves a happy marriage. 

I know there will be bumps down the road, but in the words of Ben Affleck “there is no one I would rather work with.”

Many people loved Ben Affleck's acceptance speech, found it refreshingly honest and sweet. What did you think?